Weakness and Failure

We make decisions based on the information that's in front of us at the time. Sometimes those decisions are inconsequential, sometimes they're big. We pray and seek wise counsel and talk it through. We try to anticipate all the potential difficulties and gear up for all the possible struggles. We can go in with the "best" intentions. Try to do everything "right." But even all of that is not enough. Never enough. Still, things don't turn out as we plan. 

I don't think we can ever really comprehend some challenges until we're face to face with them. We are finite beings, and our control over future, unfolding events is limited. To say the least. 

In the breakdown, it's easy to think to yourself or for others to say you made a mistake, you should've known, you should've seen. To be swallowed up in regret and bitterness. But hindsight is 20/20. Cliché but oh. so. true. Our perspective, our vision is not the same now as it was then. Oftentimes it's purged of some of the self-delusion, denial, and pride by fire. We can't really see the depth of our heart until we're plunged into it. For better or for worse, we can't always see everything we need or ought to and we don't always catch on to the flags and signs before us. No matter how hard we try things still go awry--we carry our brokenness and our wounds with us into every interaction. We don't have the strength to hold it all together. We don't have it all figured out. And that's okay. There's no shame in that. We are not God.

Feeling small as I stand beside the ocean

And in the aftermath of the aftermath, there are many questions and lots of grief. Did I hear God wrong? Did I hear Him at all? Where was He when I was making seemingly regrettable decisions?  I don't always understand why God does things or allows things to be the way He does. And that's okay too. My questions and my honesty don't threaten Him. My failures do not turn Him off. He welcomes my realness and comforts me in the midst of it. And in my weakness and brokenness, He gives me glimpses of how He's at work in my present "dark night." How He's using this anguish and heartache and emptying and remorse for deep healing and transformation.  And ripple effects beyond what I can see or imagine. And as my focus shifts, I see the dawn appearing. This God. He wastes nothing.

Anyway, all that to say: Grace. Grace with yourself. Grace with others. Our weakness and failure are not cause for shame or to be shamed. Life is not always so black and white, cause and effect. Trust the process.

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For your continued contemplation: 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 | John 16:33 | Psalm 103:10-14 | Romans 5:1-5 |  Isaiah 43:19 | Psalm 40:1-3